Anthem

8...7...6...6...6...5...4...3...2...1... I'm a pop star threat and I'm not dead yet Got a super dred bet with an angel drug head Like a dead beat winner. I want to be a sinner An idolized bang for the industry killer. A hideous man that you don't understand Throw a suicide party and I'm guaranteed to fucking snap. It's evilsonic, It's pornoholic. Breakdowns, Obscenities, It's all I wanna be.
If You're 555 then I'm 666.
If you're 555 I'm 666.
If you're 555 then I'm 666 (what's it like to be a heretic)
If you're 555 I'm 666. (what's it like to be a heretic)
Everybody's so infatuated Everybody's so completely sure of what we are Everybody defamates from miles away But face to face, they haven't got a thing to say I bleed for this and I bleed for you Still you look in my face like I'm sombody new TOY - Nobody wants anything I've got Which if fine becuase you're made of Everything - I'm - NOT!
If You're 555 then I'm 666.
If you're 555 I'm 666.
If you're 555 then I'm 666 (what's it like to be a heretic)
If you're 555 I'm 666. (what's it like to be a heretic)
30 Seconds, 16, 8, 4, lemme tell you why I haven't the slightest, I'm teaching your brightest They're listening, clamoring All the money in the world can't buy me. GO AHEAD. LIE TO ME. Tell me again how you're tortured I wanna know how you followed your orders so well
You're full of SHIT You had a dream but this ain't it.
If You're 555 then I'm 666.
If you're 555 I'm 666.
If you're 555 then I'm 666 (what's it like to be a heretic)
If you're 555 I'm 666. (what's it like to be a heretic)

loneliness

left in black
colors dim and fading
round pushed in with clack
loneliness looming

like a zooming bullet
shot to forehead
gap to make
separation ensues

king is rust
queen is dust
their lonely servant
forgotten by better

sinking slipping losing
cobwebs grow
screams are drowned

cut and broken
lying still and crushed
lost forever.

~baby baby
-youre quiet not loud
>why me?
~hon hon
-youre annoying not pacifying
>you are you
~baby baby
-youre pretty not ugly
>why him?
~hon hon
-youre boring not interesting
>hes perfect
~baby baby
-youre perfect not fallen
>why so successful?
~hon hon
-youre wrong not right
>i try
~baby baby
-youre awesome not common
>you are tempting me
~hon hon
-youre confusing not clear
>dont let me be
~baby baby
-youre appealing not repulsing
>i cant say i love you
~hon hon
-youre cowardly not brave
>youre right so dont
~baby baby
-youre confident not insecure
>will you put me in the ground?
~hon hon
-youre dumb not smart
>no.
~baby baby
-youre strong not weak
>why not?
~hon hon
-youre uncoordinated not connected
>...

stop, sniff, smile. : )

whats important? when all the world is torn to pieces what stands amidst the flames? despite the major things, i believe that we will all remember the fun times. the little instances where you love something or someone or you enjoy something immensely. i realized this a few days ago and ever since it has changed my attitude toward everything. so heres an example, the girl i have been talking about..ill refer to her as jane.. has a cold. to start out our converation she asked my forgiveness for taking things out on me and, for treating me like she hated me. the conclusion we came to a little bit later was that we are close friends. we have both done things in the past we regret. whether its harming each other or harming someone else. the important thing is to not focus on those and move on, the other thing to focus on is to get those destructive moments over so that you can enjoy the smell and see the flowers as you rush past on the highway of life. life goes fast even though it may seem like its slow. i have heard that people who smile more live longer. i conclude from this that they are also happy, ergo the smiles..

live, love, laugh, and be happy

wake up fishy! why are you sleeping?

have you ever had a friend you just want to shake and say wake up! your seeing things the wrong way! this isn't how things are at all! well i do and here's why, this person has been very depressed for the last couple of months. she has loving parents who even if they do the wrong thing sometimes do actually love her and try to make her happy. her family is going through alot of stress and as far as i can tell they're handling it very well. my family certainly couldn't go through it without having tons of problems. on top of this, she likes a guy and that would be me or she did.. well anyway, i have no clue whats going on because we had an agreement to wait for each other..cuz of things that prohibited us from seeing each other. and then recently she said we should see other people because A: it'd give us experience with dating..(i don't quite understand this cuz it doesn't matter how much experience u have if u love each other) b: because we had been dating for a while and it wasn't really a useful thing to do.. (i suspect she wants some other dude and shes either checking to see if I'm faithful or, shes waiting for the other dude.. anyway id appreciate advice on this cuz..its super confusing and id also like to be friends with this girl even if were not dating. btw this is the same girl i mentioned in my earlier post..

so here's some new developments to this story. i called her today to just talk and i realized it wasn't that she was pissed at me per say it was that she was pissed about something and took it out on me. thankfully i had time to think while i was rowing and i came up with this conclusion. when i take my anger out on others, does it hurt others as much as she is hurting me? so i have decided to let things go with her and to move on. that's the way it has been with our past interactions. forgive and forget is the best way to go : )

live, love, laugh, and be happy

"Machines"
biffy clyro
I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you
I would dig a thousand more if I needed to
I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines
There doesn’t seem to be any other way
Cause I’ve started falling apart
I’m not savouring life
I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Crazy as it sounds you wont feel as low as you feel right now
At least that’s what I've been told by everyone
I whisper empty sounds in your ear and hope that you won’t let go
Take the pieces and build them skywards
Cause I've started falling apart
I’m not savouring life
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
I've started falling apart
I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've started falling apart
I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've started falling apart
I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards
Take the pieces and build them skywards and
Take the pieces and build them skywards and
Take the pieces and build them up to the sky.

this song describes how i feel about a certain girl that i used to be very close to. we dated each other for about six maybe seven months after that we broke up and didn't speak. about two months ago we started talking again. that was nice because I'm good friends with this girl even if we aren't dating..or id like to be. soonish i found out from a friend she liked me so i planned a huge thing for her just to ask her out. it ended up flopping onto a spike and it didn't work. so..being the impatient guy i am i just plain asked her out. of course she said no. she had been going through some rough times and, just talking to me was probably not the best thing. so i apologized for rushing things and said id leave her alone. the thing is during the months that we had been apart i had been getting closer to another girl. So i basically dumped her for the first girl. so when the first girl refused me i went back to the other girl and continued making advances. i saw the first girl a few days later and i realized she still liked me. i knew because we flirt alot when were in good moods toward each other. when i saw her we immediately started flirting and flirted the entire time. this was probably not a good thing because school was starting soon. we don't get to see each other often anyway so we decided to wait for school to end and then we would date. this fell apart because i was too intense and assumed way too much. basically lol I'm an idiot when it comes to relationships : ). now the situation between us is tense with me pitying her because she feels like she has no friends. i regard us as being incredibly close and yet, i think she thinks i hate her.. ha ha best situation ever. i don't know what is going to happen but it will be interesting to see currently i have decided not to date even if it would give me more experience. advice would be nice.
live, love, laugh and, be happy

did you know rowers,

here's some more "about me" specifically talking about rowing. today i went to rowing practice. no surprise there, i have practice everyday from 3:30- 6:30. Tuesdays we have land practices because our team doesn't have enough boats for both teams to go out. so today, instead of going out on the water, we all were ready to have a really tough day on land. well here's the surprise, our coach will be sending one boat to the OK state and so instead of having a land day he sent us out on the water to do seat races. seat racing is an exercise where each rower is placed in a boat adjacent to an opposing crew. the rower is matched up against a rower from that boat and then they race. the coach determines the distance and certain other rules. this is extremely nerve wracking because you never know if you are going to be racing next. so, my coach picked me to go first in the seat races against a kid who i have had trouble beating every single race we have. and today, i crushed him which made me very happy. the unfortunate thing is if we win the race, we might still have lost in the overall goal of seat races. the overall goal, is to determine who is faster than who and works well with the boat. our coach never tells us the result of seat races so right now I'm still kinda nervous. after the first seat race our coach tested other rowers to see how fast they were. at the very end of the day our coach had me race against another kid. this time i had an inkling (and yes i said inkling big whoop) that i would beat him. so when our coach started us off i said to myself , " you can lose to him don't let him off easy" so for the five minute race that we did i pulled my ass off and I'm pretty sure i won. I'm very happy about winning both my seat races : )

Unfortunately i wont know if I'm going to the OK until after tomorrow. i know this isn't very interesting but its something in my life I'm proud of. and that, doesn't happen very often. if u have questions let me know. also, rowing isn't an easy sport. you can look at your varsity football team and yeah, they're ripped and really tough. look at a rower, look at his hands, and you will see his struggle to be better in the boat. as my coach likes to say "the strongest chain is only as strong as its weakest link." rowers are tough mentally and physically. if you think this is wrong look at a varsity rowers hands and you will see calluses and scars from the oar handles. a past Olympian tore the muscle between his back and his ribcage and still went on to row in the Olympics winning gold for the US. now that is one tough Cookie. live, love, laugh, and be happy

whats a blog?

So.. this is my first post. amazing! a few years ago if someone had told me i would be blogging at this time, i would have laughed and told them to leave me alone. a few years ago i hadn't even heard of a blog, and now I'm attempting to write one. i am not going to lie, i will not be one of the better bloggers..in fact, i will probably forget about my page in a few months. there has been alot on my mind recently, and a very close friend of mine has a blog too so i decided to give it a shot and see what happens. has a guy ever blogged before? i know of a few famous guys who have blogs but i would assume that one of their assistants writes that for publicity. its wierd thinking about blogging for me. im not reallyt one who would ever take to writing one of these so, what should i write about? well the majority of my writings will probably be about my life and what happens, i might rant a little bit but other than that, i think this blog will be about personal experiences. so welcome and i hope you enjoy my future blogs. live, love, laugh, and be happy.